For the last few days I have had this nagging, stupid cold. Even when I'm not training for a competition, I am "bad" at being sick. I admit this. I deny how sick I actually am, and convince myself that I'm all better before I really am better. These tendencies have been even worse since I am a little over seven weeks out from competition. My brain tells me, "I don't care that you're sick! Do you want to look lean onstage or not?!" I realize how irrational and unhealthy this is, especially considering that diet is 80 percent of the equation anyway. I have just felt encouraged lately because my weight has dropped a little, and I want the scale to keep moving.
This morning (5 AM to be exact) on the elliptical, I must have looked pretty pathetic. I could hardly climb above level 12 before getting wiped out. I only did 30 minutes of half-assing it, instead of the 50 minutes I had planned to do. I guess my body was just not ready yet. It frustrates me so much, but sometimes I think this is the universe testing me ... can I love and take care of myself to listen to my body? Can I accept that it's not ready for hardcore training yet? *sigh* I'm workin' on it ...
I sent new pictures to Julie Lohre yesterday, and she seemed pleased with them. She said I looked "great"! I look at them, and my first reaction isn't that I look great, but then again, I tend to be harder on myself than is necessary. I am trusting that if I keep following the diet closely, my stomach will get lean and tight by the time May 21 rolls around. My legs look pretty good; I'm less concerned about them.
That is all for now. Hopefully today will be the finale of my stupid cold, so I can train hard once again.
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